Chapter Text
It was yet another downgrade in their life, that Izzy could see bright as day even through the haze that had become his new normal. One home had been traded in for the next, following a carousel of friends that had come and gone. Some he understood and held no grudges toward, and others could go straight to hell. It was the name of the game, and he was tired of losing.
“f*ck him, f*ck him!”
And to add to their lovely ambiance, was the new pacing habit that Axl had picked up along the way. He looked like a caged animal most days now, ready to bite. Izzy shared his current sentiment, shifting to get comfortable on the sinking couch. He’d thought they’d had something with Weber too, a guitarist that had been promising. A lot of work had gotten done with him, sitting up late nights combining music and making flyers, going as far to move into his parents’ home and take their money to record a demo.
He'd agreed to attempt to revive A.X.L against his better judgement, to use an old band name that had never materialized into anything had felt like bad karma to him. But he had gone along with it, not surprised when that had slowly morphed into Rose, and still not surprised when that then changed to Hollywood Rose to avoid a beatdown from another band who claimed they were using their name. But A.X.L had hung above their heads, W.’s disappointment palpable at the name changes. His old habit of making the hurt better had not ended either, and would never forget the smile that had taken over his face at his suggestion of taking the name himself.
From Bill to W. to Axl. From a large and cozy home back to a rank apartment as if they were coming full circle in their misery.
“Settle down.”
He really did not want to listen to a rant tonight, even if he was annoyed himself. But what can you do? People came and went, taking their guitars and mother’s casseroles with them.
“No! He’s going to use our demo tape for himself, I know it.”
More than likely, but again, what can you do?
“Well, if you hadn’t freaked out on him, he wouldn’t be leaving.”
Axl went back to his pacing and mocking him under his breath, Izzy getting just what he needed to calm them both down and forget the past week of a broken-up band. Axl wasn’t the only one who had changed between them, his flick of the spoon may have remained, but the foil had been replaced with a needle. The click of the lighter got him noticed, the pacing stopping for a moment as he done what he needed and got comfortable.
He didn’t know what had triggered the argument between Axl and their guitarist, and in truth he really did not care what it was over. What was annoying was they were sans a player now, and he would have to put in the groundwork once again in solving a problem that should have never been created.
“Come here.”
A slight hesitation and he was joined. The aggravation of another band dissolving had at the very least stopped this argument for the time being. He had known his secret would come to light sooner rather than later, and what did he have to hide anyways? It was his business, and while Axl’s displeasure with his nighttime employment had never waned, he’d learned to bear it, even if he still cut his eyes towards him every time he left.
He turned the tv on, the one thing they had managed to drag around with them, the only movie they had that Axl had stolen from his job rewinding. He knew this normally quieted his nerves, Axl’s back already laying against his chest as the scenes he’d memorized word for word played.
“You just need to chill.”
“No, they just need to stop being f*ckheads is what they need to do.”
That too, and one in particular. But he was getting to that place he wanted to be now, lazily rubbing Axl’s chest and being allowed to.
“Just listen, okay? We have time, we’ll do some auditions and-“
“I don’t want to do auditions.”
For some reason, that petulant tone was funny. He chuckled, liking the weight across his lap that had his attention now for a different reason.
“Too bad, so sad. Stop being so pissy to everyone and we don’t have to do anymore.”
It wasn’t as if they had much of a choice, he at the very least had still retained their drummer that was so much fresher than the drum machine they had been forced to use. A small humph was his answer, and he considered that as the matter being settled. They grew quiet, Izzy’s hand still moving in a way that was so much easier to do with the pleasure in his veins.
“Want me to do what I did last time?”
Because that suddenly seemed the best thing for them to be doing. He had his hand resting on the waistline of his jeans, a small nod his go ahead. This was still new and fresh, would never be able to beat the claims against them now. He slipped his hand inside, doing what had given him a soft sigh last time and had made the shame worth it. When he was finished, he was lain against affectionately and his hand resting on the back of the couch played with.
But unlike last time, he was turned to instead of rolled away from. He was curious, lids heavy as Axl situated himself to be facing him and slowly copied his own gestures. The movement of his hand felt nice, if virginal. And he could not help but watch the way Axl’s face was set, as if a simple handjob was deserving of the attention given to a complex equation. But it got him where he needed, no complaints to be given.
Nothing else to be done, he watched the movie with him again, feeling a piece of his hair be played with. That was normally only done in the night, usually following the nightmares that seemed to be coming more frequently.
“What’s going on in there?”
He playfully tapped the top of Axl’s head, wishing he could share the content he felt.
“You said it was my fault.”
And they were back on the original subject again, Axl’s mind as revolving as the people they hung around.
“It kind of was, so yeah. Just chill with people, you don’t have to act all crazy on them.”
Izzy knew he had the right to be seriously angry over that, if he wanted to. But he did not, simply wanting to move forward. But crazy was always the magic word he should have known to avoid using. Axl sprang up, looking at him as if the claim could be anything but false.
“Crazy? I’m the one who’s crazy?”
Now he was getting a bit miffed. He could not just enjoy himself, Axl had to bring his drama into everything lately. He could not count the random spats he had gotten himself into, some with strangers for no reason he could find and the majority with their friends who always seemed to be lacking in Axl’s eyes.
“If the shoe fits lace it up and wear it.”
Izzy was proud of himself, that was a good one, but Axl once again looked as if he could not believe what he’d heard. He was getting himself prepared for at least two days of the silent treatment, when the bag he’d tossed to the floor was snatched up angrily and he was ignored.
“What are you doing?”
He tried to grab it back, Axl evading him and digging out what he wanted spitefully.
“Crazy huh? Maybe I just care, unlike you. Maybe I want to just not care for a minute.”
He didn’t like this, once more trying to get his bag back. And what was worse, Izzy could not find the true reason why he did not like it. Was it because Axl had stayed within their party drugs, weed and pills when he was in the mood? Or because his stash was being used?
“You don’t even know how to do it.”
But all he was doing was goading Axl further, who was scooting to the end of the sofa away from him.
“I’ve seen how you do it.”
At the very least a needle was not reached for, but to watch the smoke leave Axl’s mouth was not something he wanted to see again, making him uneasy.
“That’s enough.”
He grabbed it back from Axl’s hand, pushing the rest deep into his pocket he would not let out of sight again. He wanted to change the subject and sleep at the same time, wondering if the way Axl looked was a mirror of himself.
“That’s good.”
He didn’t answer that, turning the tv up and after a moment their original position was resumed and feeling different this time. The tension had left, feeling warm and sleepy together that he would not mind getting used to, going back to his caressing he knew that Axl liked that soothed him as well, and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to share.
Auditions
If there was one thing Izzy truly cared about, it was finding a guitar that could match Axl’s vocals. He was not one to hold Axl back, letting him play around with any and every tone he could. Low, high and everything in between Izzy was more than proud of. Axl was perfect to him, and he knew he was to the point he was turning heads. He even felt smug at times, that it was his side that Axl was attached to, that it was him that was looked to for guidance.
Normally, anyway.
“I don’t like him.”
He sighed, Tracii having just left with a smile to him they had shared as he did.
“Yes you do, you’ve never had a problem with him.”
They had all known each other for a long time now, one of the first friends he had met when he arrived. They had all shared good times together, with and without music between them.
“He’s not right, I don’t want him.”
Axl crossed his arms as if that settled the debate they should not be having in the first place. Izzy was saved from an argument by another knock on their door, hoping it was Tracii coming back for something he had forgotten that would miraculously change Axl’s mind. But when he looked it up it was not him, but a familiar face he had met once before.
“Give us a minute.”
It was that kid whose drawing he had liked, trying to remember a name and unable to come up with it. He could not recall inviting him to audition, but here he stood with a guitar in his hand. But it wasn’t him that was being looked at, in fact he may as well not even be sitting beside Axl for all the attention paid to him.
“I don’t think you remember me.”
The chair they had scrounged up was scooted across the floor, Izzy leaning back and not liking this one bit. He was not being spoken to, all attention on Axl.
“Oh yeah?”
He was watching this intently, wanting to wipe that grin off the other’s face.
“Me and my buddy seen you play once, I tried to talk to you afterward but I guess you were busy.”
Why was Axl suddenly look more relaxed? And why in the hell was he smiling back in a way that was normally reserved for him? Something was happening he had no direction in, feeling agitated and interrupting them.
“Like I said we’re busy, already found someone so you can leave.”
He jerked his thumb to the door, getting even madder as he was once again not paid attention to and Axl kept speaking.
“Your name?”
“Slash.”
“Play something for me.”
Or he could just toss him and that guitar out on his ass and be done with it. He nudged Axl’s foot with his own, trying to convey that this was not needed in the least. Whether or not Axl understood him he did not know, chords being played against his will.
He had no choice but to listen, not very impressed. It was a guitar, it was strings; nothing special. But Axl was leaned forward enamored, the most excited he had seen him since their first night passing out flyers together.
“Play something else.”
Tracii had not been asked for a second song, Izzy deciding to end this now. He stood, holding the door open pointedly and leaving no room for any argument now, not caring how nasty he sounded.
“We need to talk, go on.”
It was like getting rid of a pesky moth flying around its new light source, but Izzy managed to get him out of the door and be alone with Axl again who looked as if he had just found the eighth wonder of the world. He looked at him as brightly as he could, Izzy feeling his stomach churn with it and not able to figure out why.
“That. Was. It.”
He was shaking his head, trying to squash this excitement down.
“It really wasn’t. Any granny could have done that. We’re going to talk to Tracii.”
Discussion settled, there was no changing his mind. Flash or Slash, whatever his name had been, was not the right match for them. He knew by the slight drop in Axl’s face there would be no argument, no giving in on his part. He thought that would be the end of it, until Axl started fidgeting much like he had back in class when he was forced to sit still, hopping up.
“Where are you going?”
“I just want to smoke.”
Izzy made a face, as if they had not already yellowed the ceiling of their apartment with smoke. But Axl was already gone without even grabbing a pack of cigarettes, Izzy hearing him run down the stairwell and vaguely hoping he did not trip and break his neck, yelling down the hallway.
“You can’t lie for sh*t and he’s not getting it!”
They both knew who called the shots between them; he said it, so it was so.
Axl didn’t know why Izzy could not share what he had just felt, something he had not since their garage band days. But he could not let him get away, he needed that playing; he had to have it. He hoped no one heard him fall on the last step, his palms hurting with catching himself on the concrete flooring. He caught sight of him, already halfway up the sidewalk and away from him.
“Hey!”
What he hoped would be their guitarist stopped and turning, smiling at him again. He slowed down, reminding himself to be cool and not a dork.
“Yeah?”
He shrugged nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just run down a flight to catch up with him.
“We can try you out, if you want. You might be alright.”
Slash looked at him for a second, before dipping his head in a way that made him feel like he’d been seen through, their apartment building vaguely gestured to.
“Your buddy didn’t seem too happy in there.”
He shrugged again; Izzy would come around, when he seen he was right.
“No you got it, you’re in.”
That is all that needed to be said for now, feeling out of his element again. He didn’t know what it was, feeling out of place around him as if he did not know what to say. That had gotten easier since being here, trying to hide the shyness that suddenly seemed to be shared.
“Alright then.”
He had just made a band deal with someone he knew would be special; he just knew it. He stuck his hand out because that seemed to be what you were supposed to do when you made a deal, Slash excepting his gesture with a hand that felt as if it had played around strings for years.
“Axl, and that was Izzy.”
Slash was trying to hide his pleasure, taking the hand that had been struck out a bit oddly. He did not need an introduction; he knew exactly who Axl was and had been trying to find a way to get him for weeks. He had found him a bit rude at first, and to not be remembered when he had attended several shows was a bit of an ego buster. But he would forget all that, he had gotten what he wanted.
“Nice to meet you Axl.”
He said it a bit sardonically, using his hair to behind to make up for it. He stood there a moment, trying to find a trace of the wildness that had been displayed on stage for him, not finding it currently present and trying his luck.
“You know, my friend is a drummer.”
“We have a drummer already.”
“Not like mine.”
I got you Stevie, Slash thought to himself. We are getting in with this band and we are going to make it. He could tell, by the quiet way Axl’s head had tilted to the side he was considering it; they were both in, he just knew it.
Axl stood alone on the sidewalk, thinking it over after Slash had gone one his way. He glanced at their apartment window, knowing Izzy would be pissed when he got back. He didn’t like it when Izzy was truly mad at him, the one person in his life whose opinion he respected. But this was different, he was doing it for them. He would just have to show Izzy he knew what was right in this, that he had just gotten two new members. It was for Izzy, as much as it was for him.
